life with talking trees

(I don't know if anyone reads these entries; sometimes I read people's dream entries if I have time but most days I skim them looking for some neat visual. Still, I have this incredible urge to write this one down. I wish I had done it earlier instead of resisting the urge because now I don't remember so much of it. However, one of the things I learned in my psych classes - including dream interpretation - was that the details of a dream are rarely important, it is the emotional content during the dream and afterwards that matters)

I dreamed after many long complicated stories that I was in my old shared house in Philly. I was surprised to be back in it but [long complicated near-forgotten details] it was "right" that I was. The thing was, I remembered my old boyfriend, the one I was seeing RIGHT BEFORE I hooked up with Jeremy. He was the sweetest, nicest guy I think I have ever dated. Anyway, I was thinking about him and how much I wanted to see him again. Then I had to deliver something to someone else in the house and upon [long complicated details] arriving to the back of the house I discover it had a whole second side to it. So I went in and was looking for the person - Margie I think it was - whose package I was carrying. Then Ted walked in and I was so pleased to see him, almost blushing and giddy. But Ted is married now and although he was apparently living in our old shared house, I had no clue as to his situation. So I talked to him carefully. He seemed pleased to see me but awkward and shy. There were so many details to the situation that I had a almost lucid moment and thought something like "wow, this atmosphere is more detailed than real life! what is up with that" In fact I couldn't keep up with the constant stream of detailed input and I think I split off at one point. I REALLY wanted to talk to Ted, reconnect with him in some way because even though he was probably the best boyfriend I ever had (and stupid me threw him over for Jeremy) he was also a good friend whom I very much admired and respected. I felt vaguely self-conscious, as if I was like a groupie or something, but Ted was being very quiet and internal. I couldn't figure out if he wanted to talk to me or if he was just being polite or if he actually was overcome with as much relief and happiness as I felt. I felt really naive and vulnerable because its rare for me not to discern someone elses motivations and direction. Plus the constant stream of detailed random information (the color of the blanket on the floor, tiny glints of light that came from a faux-diamond necklace on the dresser, Ted's Punk rock t-shirt that kept changing band names, the way the dingy paint was bubbling off the wall in spots, how the shadows from the windows were flickering across my skin etc) was overloading my empathy. I wanted so badly to "say the right thing" to make him comfortable and talk to me, give me a hug, tell me where we stood but I was frozen with uncertainty. It was like seeing a unicorn at a carnival... you know if you do things just right, it will come to you but its so hard to figure out what's right when there's so much sensory noise going on around you.
Then Ted left the room and I was so very sad. I realized I was having a dream and this was my one chance to connect with him. I didn't want to wake up and lose that fleeting moment i had where we were standing int eh room smiling at each other. If I couldn't have anything concrete, I could have that at least. I wanted to follow him but I didn't know if it was "right" or whether his leaving was his way of closing the door on our friendship.

I dreamed that Baph and I were discussing what job I should have... I was really interested in becoming a bike messenger(?!) but he wasnt' so sure. He seemed to think I should become a bus driver (?!) I was getting aggravated that he wouldn't agree with me because I really was getting excited about becoming a bike messenger.

The ex-asshole was a bike messenger.

*shrug*

sometimes I really dont' understand dreams at all.

earlier last week, I dreamed I was wooed, courted and about to make love to a lion. The thing that really sticks in my mind was the complete "rightness" of it too. It was a slow evolution from "looka dat lion ovah dere" to "we belong together" to "where can we get some privacy?"

Lots of associations there, I'm sure. What it brings to mind mostly though, is another dream I had the day before my wedding: I was walking in Eden, I went over a small bridge and looked up into the sky. I saw these huge whale-like creatures flying through the air. THey were singing. THeir song was so enormously beautiful that I was overcome and fell to the ground in ecstacy. I lay on the ground looking up at them and was just... overwhelmed with joy and beauty and love and what-ever-else you can think of postive within the human heart. It was so incredible that I was crying and my crying fit right in with the ersatz-whales song of truth and love. It was the most amazing dream I've ever had in my life. It was all about love.

My recent dream of (almost) mating with a lion was similar in that, the emotions in the dream were so pure and perfect. By the time I had been completely won over by the lion I was riding on his back and we were looking for a place to go make love. As I felt the wind whipping at me and watch the grass rush by, I felt a perfection of the moment that I couldn't ever explain any other way. It was right to be in love with this lion. We were seperate creatures, yet we were one in spirit. He was my long lost other half and now we were fitted together again. He was part of me and I was ready to join with him. I knew it was odd but for us it was absolutely right.

I wonder what the rest would have been like had I not woken up.