much reflection later

[smibbo]

perhaps my real issue is that I've been coming up against a lot of "that's not fair" whenever a SigOth has any complaint about dealing with a loved one's disability. My immediate reaction is "maybe so but its reality" as well as "you don't have the right to censor them even if their truth hurts your feelings"

because ultimately, yes, dealing with someone close in your life who has a disability can be hard and frustrating and make you want to scream. You shouldn't have to have guilt piled on top of everything just because you speak out about your own struggles. Complaining about a loved one's disability does not mean you only see the loved one in terms of their disability. It does not mean you are dehumanizing them.

SigOth's deal with their own side of the struggle dealing with disability. I think they have a right to speak out about it without being stigmatized as "callous"

Comments

[littlebuhnee.livejournal.com]

Complaining about a loved one's disability does not mean you only see the loved one in terms of their disability. It does not mean you are dehumanizing them.

THANK you.

[muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you. Everyone needs a support system and the opportunity to blow off steam. Many people dedicate themselves to finding fault however, no matter how inappropriate it may be in relation to what's actually meant or being said.

Dan

[goodjoan]

There is a big difference between assigning blame to someone who cannot control their situation, and needing to vent and otherwise cope with living with that person. Yes, it would be unfair to blame someone with a disability for causing themselves and those around them a hardship but it doesn't make the hardship non-existent. I don't blame my anxiety prone kids for being anxious or behaving in a way that I find exhausting, but it's still exhausting at times. If I can't talk to someone about it or let out the occasional scream, it's even more exhausting!