My song of the week

[smibbo]

I know this feeling like the back of my hand... trying so hard to get that feeling and nothing seems to work. At the same time, having so many negative strictures inside and not seeing how the two are connected. Nearly everything she talks about, I tried, all the while knowing intellectually but not spiritually that none of these outside influences were going to work. How insanely frustrating is it to be working so hard to change the self but knowing my efforts were nothing without a true internal shift.

The question I put forth is; what do YOU think she was searching for?


If I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
If I am hardened no fear of further abandonment
If I am famous then maybe I'll feel good in this skin
If I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect

I would throw a party still it would not come
I would bike run swim and still it would not come
I'd go travelling and still it would not come
I would starve myself and still it would not come

If I'm masculine I will be taken more seriously
If I take a break it would make me irresponsible
If i'm elusive I will surely be sought after often
If I need assistance then I must be incapable

I'd be filthy rich and still
It would not come
I would seduce them and still
It would not come
I would drink vodka and still
It would not come
I'd have an orgasm still
It wouldn't come

If I accumulate knowledge
I'll be inpenetrable
If I am aloof no one will know
When they strike a nerve
If I keep my mouth shut the boat
Will not have to be rocked
If I am vulnerable I will be
Trampled upon

I would go shopping and still
It would not come
I'd leave the country and still
It would not come
I would scream and rebel still
It would not come
I would stuff my face and still
It would not come

I'd be productive and still it would not come
I'd be celebrated still it would not come
I'd be the hero and still it would not come
I'd renunciate and still it would not come
(c)Alanis Morissette

(despite the simplicity of the tune and the synthetic drumbeat (argh) I think this song rocks musically as well as lyricly)

Comments

[goodjoan]

Self esteem. Self Worth. Unfortunately, no one and no *thing* can give you that, you have to give it to yourself!

[not-hothead-yet.livejournal.com]

in a word: inner peace, eh?

indeed, something no one and no thing can "give" you.

It comes of its own accord, when you are ready. (and doesn't always stay LOL)

[goodjoan]

Yeah, look at the people who have dozens of plastic surgeries because they think if they could just look a little different they would be happy. Half of the procedure for getting that stomach bypass surgery is hefty psychotherapy because people get it done, lose 200 pounds and then realize they still feel like shit and get really depressed! When you feel crappy on the inside nothing on the outside will make you feel better. It has to start on the inside, and then everything on the outside works better!