(no subject)

[smibbo]

Okay, the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.
In the spirit of faith¹, I will admit my problems²:

- I play Star Wars Galaxies when I ought to be doing something productive or educational
- I get on LJ when I ought to be doing something productive or educational
- I spend money on things to cheer me up when I ought to be saving it so I can pay all my bills on time for a change
- I don't want to stay "hooked up" with Baphomet, but I don't want to split up either
- I feel guilty about everything I do wrong and everything I don't do at all
- I need to go to the doctor but I am avoiding it
- all I can think about with pleasure is diversionary things
- there is a black ant running around and around my monitor and I'm watching him thinking "what the hell is your problem?" but I'm not doing anything about it.




¹y'know I originally typed "in the pirate of faith" now what in hell does that mean?
²"problems" meaning difficulties of the current vein - as opposed to diffculties that are prolonged or pervasive

Comments

What is the ant trying to tell you?

[satia.livejournal.com]

Maybe the ant is a metaphor of something else?

[madmexican.livejournal.com]

i am, and feel exactly the same way....except i don't play star wars galaxies.....castlevania ruled me for almost a year.....but the principal is the same. i should be doing something productive as i am writing this.....espicially since i am at work ;)

[the-yellow-king.livejournal.com]

- I play Star Wars Galaxies when I ought to be doing something productive or educational
- I get on LJ when I ought to be doing something productive or educational
- I spend money on things to cheer me up when I ought to be saving it so I can pay all my bills on time for a change.
- all I can think about with pleasure is diversionary things

These are all symptomatic of the same things.
In general, due to the overwhelming problems you face in real life, your mind is subconsciously concerning itself with diversions that keep you from facing the real problems.
The problems in and of themselves are ultimately painful to deal with. They involve money, the fact that you aren't making enough of it, that you have kids to worry about, that you have issues with Bath - and that they are all here AT ONCE.
The only possible way to deal with such problems is to approach them without emotion and with complete logic - never mind what you want, what is it that is necessary.
You hate dealing with necessity and treating things in a cold objective manner.
Thus, you prefer amusement to the problem, etc, etc.
Perfectly normal human reaction.

- I feel guilty about everything I do wrong and everything I don't do at all

Since you are an intelligent human with a conscience, this results from your actions in the paragraph above.
You blame yourself for not doing what you need to do, and instead paying attention to what you want.
Superego blasting you for paying attention to the id, if you want to get Freudian.

- I don't want to stay "hooked up" with Baphomet, but I don't want to split up either

I felt the same way about Heather.
Heather, OTOH, was a living psychotic monster. Baph is not.
Being in love with Heather, I was loath to leave her, even though it was best for me.
To be honest, I cannot and will not offer advice on this; I don't know what myriad ways you and Baph interact and therefore have no information to base anything on.
Relationships are always tough decisions, though.

- I need to go to the doctor but I am avoiding it

What are you afraid the doctor will tell you?