life with talking trees

I love movie quote games. so I made a new one. The following are all from animated movies.

1.
So she says, "Uh-uh, You don't have a challenge, you need a challenge." So now I'm challenged, all right- I'm challenged to HOLD ONTO MY LUNCH MONEY! because of all the big mooses who wanna pound me, 'cause they think I'm a shrimpy dork who thinks he's smarter than them! nut I don't think I'm smarter, I just do the stupid homework! If everyone else JUST DID THE STUPID HOMEWORK, they could move up a grade and get pounded, too! Is there any more coffee?



2.
A: Head down!
B: Head down!
A: Arms in!
B: Arms in!
A: Knees apart!
B: Knees apart!.. wait, knees apart?


3.
A: What's happening here?
B: We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge.


4.
Ah, you're awake. I was hoping you'd cry out in your sleep, then I would have bitten your head off to silence you

5.
Won't they be impressed, I am a ge-ni-us! See how I transform this old rat inTO a most deLIGHTful hat!

6.
A: Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
B: I don't know. The guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
C: Yeah. I'm okay with wazoo food there.
A: No, you're not!


7.
A: Nothing. Just... a little trouble with daddy
B: You mean Dad's in trouble, or Dad is the trouble?
A: I mean, either he's *in* trouble, or he's *going* to be.


8.
There's nothing sadder than a puppet without a ghost, especially the kind with red blood running through them.


9.
Nobody cares for you anymore. You're tarnished and you're filthy.

10.
A: Shut up! Don't order me around!
B: We were just worried.
A: Why do you always have to try and save me? I could handle it on my own. Yeah, I admit I've gotten beaten before, but I won't always be on the receiving end, you hear that? You understand?

11.
B: what did you say?
A: I said, NO. I'M. NOT! I hate that cold house on the hill! And how I was always hungry, AND HOW YOU BEAT ME!
B: He's lying!
C: Shut UP!
A: NO! not this time....


12.
A: don't believe me?! You can ask the cat!
B: the... cat...? [gulps] Okaaaay I think I'm just gonna go
A: You're. Not. LISTENING!
B: Thats. Cuz. You're. CRAZY!


13.
A: You are secretly funny.
B: Not a stick in the mud?
A: W-well I was...
B: Say it.
A: Co...
B: Say it.
A: All right... You're not exactly...
B: I can't hear you, I'm sorry. What?
A: ...a *complete* stick DEEP in the mud.


14.
A:Ow! Excuse me, pardon me.
B: Excuse me, pardon me.
C: Look mommy. Another turkey.

Why having a child with a disability is not like being sent to Holland.

This parable bothers me. It bothers me a lot. While it is certainly uplifting, it makes me uncomfortable, because it denies a central and in my mind, undeniable fact about the experiences parents of children with life altering difficulties face: It is much harder and more difficult to parent a child with a disability than it is to parent a neurotypical child with no health challenges.

In my mind, a more accurate analogy would be this:

Imagine planning a trip to Paris for you and your partner. You get your guidebooks, your luggage, your wardrobe and your plane tickets. You research everything about Paris so you'll be ready when you arrive. You make make reservations. You talk with friends and family about their wonderful trips to Paris and how much fun they had. The two of you talk everyday about how much you want to go to Paris and how amazing it's going to be when you get there.

You get on the plane and take off. Suddenly, without explanation, the plane is diverted. Then at 5000 ft you and your partner are yanked out of your seats, strapped into parachutes you only vaguely understand, and tossed out the door.

Some how you manage to make it to the ground.

At first, you just sit, clinging to one another, checking to see if you have any broken bones. Once you're done thanking god that you're still alive, you dust yourselves off and look at the terrain. You look at each other and reassure one another that you're going to get out of this place.

Your first few days in the desert are exhausting. Just getting your basic needs met feels overwhelming. You feel alone, terrified and honestly- You're not sure if you're going to make it. Sometimes you fight, not because either of you is doing anything wrong- but because you're both tired and frustrated, there is sand everywhere, not enough water and there is no one else to yell at.

After many days of struggle, you finally make it to a village. The first thing you find out when you arrive, is that this settlement is made up of people who also got dumped out of a plane. This is what they tell you:

We are on the moon!
No, this is Arizona.
No, we're in the Australian Outback!
It's the airlines fault.
No. It's the flight attendant who pushed us out.
Oh! Another passenger pushed me out. How did that crazy person get past TSA?
There is no hope of rescue.

Wait! There is a rescue effort underway.

There is an 80% chance you and your treasured partner are going to crumble under the strain of this experience.

No, you won't, this experience will make you stronger!

The desert is a gift!

No, it's not. It's a war and war is hell!

Trying to make sense of this, you look around and say, "How did this happen? What made our plane go off track, when all the other planes made it to their destination just fine? If only we'd flown on a different airline. Who is right? Are we going to end up divorced or not? Is there a rescue party coming? Why are all of you talking at once?

Everyone in the crowd starts to shout LOUDER. Their voices jumbling into a unintelligible cacophony . Then, it dawns on you that maybe there are no right answers, because no one really knows. This is more terrifying than any answer you could have heard.

So despite being overwhelmed, despite struggling for the basic necessities and despite not knowing how you got there, you get on with the business of living your life. It's hard. It makes you angry, not at anyone in particular, just angry because it wasn't supposed to be this way. There are moments when the absurdity of it all makes you laugh. You and your partner discover that there are gorgeous sunsets in the desert and here, the stars shine with crystalline clarity. You smile a little more often and you realize that going to get water every day is doable once you know where the water hole is. You're scared sometimes, yes, but not as often as when you first landed. There are days when you wake up and wonder how you are ever going to make it through. At times, you're lonely for all the friends you had who went to Paris. Sometimes you don't recognize this person you're becoming or the person your partner has transformed into.

The desert is your new normal and once it becomes familiar, it's more understandable. You know which plants are poisonous, how to get sand out of your sleeping bag and how to be patient when your partner is screaming "ALL I EVER WANTED WAS A CROISSANT!" The path to the water hole is well worn. You learn how to handle your own meltdowns and you figure out that there are some wonderful people here in the village. Your skin gets toughened by the sun, and you realize you don't need Starbucks to get through the day.

Sometimes at the end of the day, as you gaze up at the endless sky, you wonder, "What would Paris have been like?" But then you realize that the desert has become your home- and you wouldn't give it up for the world.

Rhyannon Morrigan(c)2011

(overheard at wolven's party the other night)

"and then I have to ask myself, why is there always a giant bag of cheese trying to kill me?"
(man listening nods understandingly)

Roomate: was this book under the monkey?
Me: what? oh, actually, yeah it was.
Roommate: ok

snippet from recent conversation:

stoopid guy: ...what I don't understand is why whenever I go out with friends and we see some chicks we'd like to meet, I always end up with The Fat Chick!
Me: ....
SG: I mean... not that I mind talking to them or anything... they're usually pretty nice to talk to and all but -
Me: uh...
SG: What?
Me: did it occur to you that perhaps I'm female and you might not want to be saying something like that?
SG: oh.... uh
Me: yeah.

post anonymous comments.

talk about yourself, me or anything else, so long as it's something you're afraid to say out loud.

*EDITORIAL UPDATE*
DO NOT NAME ANY NAMES!
OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT INVADES SOMEONE'S PRIVACY!

[on phone]
Baph: so, you can play Pirates while I'm putting your computer together. Then we can watch the movie.
Me: hmmm
Baph: it should only take a little while -
Me: DON'T
Me: EVEN
Me: SAY
Me: THAT
Baph: [laughs]
*pause*
Me: [grimly] just don't. even. say. that.
Baph: [still laughing] I'm only laughing cuz I know it's true [what you're implying]
Me: yeah [groans] I know

"If you don't want to stick MY fag in your mouth then.... well, that's cool.

".... you know, Sheena Of The Jungle"

"Yeah, but with Urban Sprawl now she's 'Sheena Of The Shrubbery'"