where all this came from
Apr. 20th, 2009 04:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smibbovisual:
being in a public place that is family-oriented. lots of kids. lots of moms. its lunchtime, a time when settling down, eating and resting is usually the order of the day. walking through the crowd to get to my kids, my family. seeing the same scene one too many times. kid and mother next to each other, mother saying "no" kid screaming at mother. purple faced, screaming, getting up in her personal space, yelling at her as if she is dense, servile, childish "MOM! I SAID!! NOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T DOOO THIS!" and on and on. mother is either detached or appeasing. mother tries to negotiate the desires of the child completely bypassing child's demeanor and treatment of her. I think to myself "thank you sir, may I have another?"
I'm appalled. Lately, I cannot ignore how often I go through public seeing families wherein the child is enraged and treating his mother (sometimes the father) like they are ignoramuses who must be verbally and spiritually abused. and the mother (soemtiems father) just sits there either ignoring the behavior or trying even harder to appease the child. As if self-respect simply doesn't matter. And I am talking about children over the age of 5. Pre-teens and teenagers too. Screaming. Blue in the face, white-knuckled screaming at their mothers. Not just screaming in frustration, but screaming insults, orders and commands. As if THEY are the parent and their mother is the wayward child.
This just astounds me. I see it over and over. Every time I go out in public I see this scene at least once, if not three or four times. And I keep thinking about how awful these children are going to be later on... when they try to have a relationship, get a job, join a club of any kind. Because respect is something you simply must be willing to give if you want to get along with anyone happily. But how can you have respect for anyone if you don't even respect your own mother? and how can you respect your mother if she doesn't even have self-respect? You can't.
And when I read certain parenting sites (not just AP but AP is definitely included) I see the constant phrase of "you must put your child first" put right next to "you must respect your child's feelings" and see the easy translation of "you must put your child's feelings before your own"
and I see the connection. I see it every time I go out in public where there are families.
Being sensitive to your child should be a given. How and when one chooses to respond to their child's distress is a touchy and wholly subjective choice. But there isn't a parenting "expert" anywhere that says you are supposed to allow your child to treat you like dirt. Yet that's what I keep seeing. And I think a lot of it has to do with the ridiculously competitive atmosphere that has sprung up int he last few decades. The stratification of parenting styles and methods is sad and frustrating but the overarching tenet seems to be furthering the notion of "if you're a GOOD parent you'll..." which always is followed by commandments that no matter how apropos aren't universally applicable nor advisable. Everyone outwardly agrees that there is no one magic parenting method, yet because of the environment of competition that has evolved in our modern society, whatever camp you fall into becomes a battle flag of monotheism. I see religious fervor rather than honest criticism. and the worst part is that the most widely agreed upon tenet of parenting - that of individual choices made depending upon the situation and family - can only be fostered by acceptance and tolerance of all the divergent viewpoints.
Parents NEED a range of choices to effectively parent the way that "fits" for them as individuals.
We can't have a range of choices if we reject other philosophies.
being in a public place that is family-oriented. lots of kids. lots of moms. its lunchtime, a time when settling down, eating and resting is usually the order of the day. walking through the crowd to get to my kids, my family. seeing the same scene one too many times. kid and mother next to each other, mother saying "no" kid screaming at mother. purple faced, screaming, getting up in her personal space, yelling at her as if she is dense, servile, childish "MOM! I SAID!! NOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T DOOO THIS!" and on and on. mother is either detached or appeasing. mother tries to negotiate the desires of the child completely bypassing child's demeanor and treatment of her. I think to myself "thank you sir, may I have another?"
I'm appalled. Lately, I cannot ignore how often I go through public seeing families wherein the child is enraged and treating his mother (sometimes the father) like they are ignoramuses who must be verbally and spiritually abused. and the mother (soemtiems father) just sits there either ignoring the behavior or trying even harder to appease the child. As if self-respect simply doesn't matter. And I am talking about children over the age of 5. Pre-teens and teenagers too. Screaming. Blue in the face, white-knuckled screaming at their mothers. Not just screaming in frustration, but screaming insults, orders and commands. As if THEY are the parent and their mother is the wayward child.
This just astounds me. I see it over and over. Every time I go out in public I see this scene at least once, if not three or four times. And I keep thinking about how awful these children are going to be later on... when they try to have a relationship, get a job, join a club of any kind. Because respect is something you simply must be willing to give if you want to get along with anyone happily. But how can you have respect for anyone if you don't even respect your own mother? and how can you respect your mother if she doesn't even have self-respect? You can't.
And when I read certain parenting sites (not just AP but AP is definitely included) I see the constant phrase of "you must put your child first" put right next to "you must respect your child's feelings" and see the easy translation of "you must put your child's feelings before your own"
and I see the connection. I see it every time I go out in public where there are families.
Being sensitive to your child should be a given. How and when one chooses to respond to their child's distress is a touchy and wholly subjective choice. But there isn't a parenting "expert" anywhere that says you are supposed to allow your child to treat you like dirt. Yet that's what I keep seeing. And I think a lot of it has to do with the ridiculously competitive atmosphere that has sprung up int he last few decades. The stratification of parenting styles and methods is sad and frustrating but the overarching tenet seems to be furthering the notion of "if you're a GOOD parent you'll..." which always is followed by commandments that no matter how apropos aren't universally applicable nor advisable. Everyone outwardly agrees that there is no one magic parenting method, yet because of the environment of competition that has evolved in our modern society, whatever camp you fall into becomes a battle flag of monotheism. I see religious fervor rather than honest criticism. and the worst part is that the most widely agreed upon tenet of parenting - that of individual choices made depending upon the situation and family - can only be fostered by acceptance and tolerance of all the divergent viewpoints.
Parents NEED a range of choices to effectively parent the way that "fits" for them as individuals.
We can't have a range of choices if we reject other philosophies.
