my interview with The Lady

1. If God came down and said, "I quit. You've got the job, kiddo.", what would you do?
SCREAM!
Then I'd say "I do get all the mega-fantastic powers, right? cuz I ain't takin the job otherwise"
Most realistically, I'd probably go insane. Assuming that God has some kind of special sanity-keeping measure in place, I'd do the following:
Smite all the greed-heads. No debate about it, no grieving over their lost potential, etc. just smite everyone who's biggest desire is to win all the toys so they can keep them in their closet and gloat. Anyone who wants to surpass the Jones' so they can snicker is automatically smitten. Next, smite all the people who don't respect children. End of that problem. Now, we have a lot of ignorant and naiive people left. I will manifest myself and come down to earth and issue the following edict:
You people have a limited time to get this shit together. I mean clean this place up, get all your petty differences worked out and then wait nicely for me to get back. You hear that? No fighting, no hiding and NOBODY SHIRKS! I mean it now! Get this place fixed up and don't waste any time BECAUSE I'M GOD, I'M COMING BACK SOON AND AM I PISSED!
Then make some popcorn, sit back and enjoy the show.

2. Tell me a story about Jill, please.
Oh, that's a tough one.
When you grow up with someone, it's actually hard to remember single-moment stories... there's not so much stories in my past about her, as there is an actual prevelance. She was just there all the time in everything I did practically. But I will tell you two lasting memories I have that still touch me when I think about them.
When I was 16 and living in the house-with-six-guys we did a lot of "recreational" stuff. One night, we had dropped and we were all flying reasonably well. I had just gotten back from work and called Jill to tell her the plans. Ralph went out to go pick her up. Jill had told me (as per usual) that I wasn't to drop before she got there. Of course, that command was just for me. She didn't like it when I was already flying and she had to catch up. So I was waiting for her outside with Chris who had dropped already. Jill arrived in Ralph's car and Ralph got out to talk to me. Sotto voce, he said Jill wanted to go somewhere (a party or whatnot) but didn't want Chris to go because he was flying too much and because it was a different crowd of people who he didn't know. So I got into the car. Chris, not knowing what was going on, got in too. I turned to Jill and she immediately said "you didn't drop, good. Now, here's the plan..." then she noticed Chris in the car. He was looking at her kind of moony (I think everyone had a crush on her - she was my first "where's your friend") and I could tell she was irritated by him.
"yo, Chris," I said, "you need to go back inside"
"wha?" he said.
"you need to go back inside cuz Jill and I want to talk"
"huh? so talk" he said
"no," I said, "you need to go back inside and just wait for us there. We're going ..."
"oh but we're going ... and you guys can come too" he said
Jill shook her head, "but I don't wanna go there"
Chris became almost shy and somewhat inarticulate, "come with" he kept saying, motioning with his hand, "come with"
Jill shook her head decisively, "no, man, we're going... and you need to get out of the car so we can go."
"wha?" he said. I giggled. Chris looked confused. Jill began telling me about some guy she was interested in, acting as if Chris was not even there. Chris began mentally wandering off... murmuring to himself.
"CHRIS!" I said
"huh?"
"you need to get out of the car," I could tell Ralph was enjoying this whole scene, standing outside the open door next to Chris.
"why?" said Chris.
"Because the people inside are about to leave and WE'RE leaving too and we need you to be OUTSIDE the car when we do," Jill interrupted. Chris looked extremely confused at this point. Jill began ignoring him again and talking to me. Chris leaned over, in between me and her and indicated that he really couldn't figure out what we were talking about.
Finally, Jill turned casually to Chris and said "Puzzle it later, dude. Hey look at what Jon's doing!" then turned around with her back to him. His look of typical acid-head ADD had me in stitches. Jill's ability to turn him away and reorient his focus cracked me up.

Second image: when I changed schools, I became friends with Nikki. We shared musical interests and she was much more informed than I was. I think I kind of worshipped her. I had never met anyone who knew so much about underground music and culture, especially European. She and I started hanging out all the time after school. It got the the point that Jill wrote me a letter (Jill and I went to different schools). It was a sort-of angry letter about how I had been acting like a flaming asshole since I met Nikki. I was astounded. You have to understand that Jill was the type of person that even with me came across as somewhat aloof. She gave the impression of being amused by most everything and not very affected by anything. One of the reasons I had been hanging out with Nikki so much was actually because I had gotten jealous of Jill's new school friends. I had been feeling like she had lost interest in our friendship. I didn't see her as often, and when we talked on the phone she constantly mentioned these other people. So her letter was amazing to me. She had very good points and I knew I had to apologize to her. The way she put things I realized that I would end up being a serious shithead if I didn't knock it off.

But the bottom of the letter said the most heart-rending thing to me:
"Are you dill mah fren?"

I still have that letter.

3. We won the lottery! What's your first reaction?
Let's go SHOPPING!!
Next, call up Jonathon and tell him that I'm coming over to pick him up from work so I can be there when he gives Janice the finger. I might spit on her too. Then it's attorney-shopping. Time to get all those legal loose ends tied up. Let's not forget to write a check to my parents. Lastly, start planning the family vacation to Europe. (we don't have to take your sister do we?)

4. You're dead. You get to pick one day to re-live anytime you want. What day do you pick and why?
"Our Town" eh?
Okay...
I believe it was my 16th birthday. That night was one where I went all over town, running into people I knew left and right, being treated to fun all night by PURE CHANCE. We had planned nothing but going to the club. Somehow we ended up partying everywhere with everyone. Not to excess, just plain fun. I don't believe I've felt so wonderfully loved and special in all my life.


5. Nobody's perfect. What do you think is your biggest failing? Your greatest attribute?
What do I think is my biggest failing? I'd have to say it's my laziness. I rarely finish what I start. I have so many things I want to do that I usually don't do any of them because the idea of all that work just makes me want to do nothing. SO I do. I'm lazy (I know yall disagree with that) because I only do things I am comfortable and familiar with... I don't do things unless I know I will finish them. I only do things when I am inspired and motivated. Well, okay I do chores regardless but I'm not talking about housework, I'm talking about my dreams and desires. It's so much easier to sit and dream than it is to go out and actually make those dreams happen. In a sense, I think I'm lucky because I can blame my lack of money most times, but I'm probably as poor as I am because I'm so lazy. I could be off doing things, lots of things, that would better my situation, but its too hard so I don't.
My greatest attribute? I honestly don't know. I know what I love most about myself is my fierceness. I am passionate and dedicated in so many mental ways, I wish I could be the same about actual work. Sometimes I think I am just an armchair inventor.

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( for Baph )