Apathy

I tried to play EQ last night... guess what? I just didn't care.

I tried to write something from inside me... guess what? I just didn't care.

I tried to read a book, clean my house, play some music, masterbate even.... guess what?

..you got it.

I read LJ and saw everybody out living their lives; loving, complaining, dreaming, wishing, producing, wondering, fighting, hating, gossiping,

all this....

and all I could think about was, "what is wrong with me?"

oh to sleep... next to someone who holds me and I feel like I did when I was little and my dad held me to sleep. The nights when I stayed with G and A and their parents. We would all sleep together and snuggle up so that we could tell ghost stories but I stayed because lying between two bigger people made me feel completely safe.

Lying down I think about where I'm going and how far I've got to go and suddenly, guess what? Yep, I don't care anymore.

and then I was waking up and the alarm is going off.

(no subject)

too...... much.... effort.....

retreat