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Jul. 23rd, 2002
Disposable Hero of HipHopcrasy
Jul. 23rd, 2002 05:59 pmI'm older than most of my friends. I've been in this situation for some years... pretty much since I moved to Philadelphia. I'm not entirely sure why I have ended up being a "kid-sitter" (someone elses phrase NOT mine) but I have a few theories.
Mostly, I just like what I like and don't have problems with being flexible. What I enjoy and indulge in changes quite frequently so far as specifics but stays the same so far as generalities go. i.e. I will always like music, but I move with the times because creativity demands evolution. I will always like things that are on the "cutting edge" because that's where progress usually stems from. I like guessing what will happen, where things will go and what will grow into something else. Its part of my inheirant love of cycles I guess.
I suppose some of my "attachment" to younger people is because I'm very passionate. Youth tend to be more passionate than oldsters because as you age you generally see more of the greater picture and can take odder things into account. Younger people (having not been around as long) often follow what they think is "right" or "logical" or sometimes "fair" because they assume the world is as simple and black and white as they have experienced it to be so far.
With me still?
Then there is the fact that I've always been an oddball, born into the smallest known generation in centuries. My peers are just too few in number for us to have created anything like our own culture. So we all latched onto other cultures that were spawned before us or after us. Most of my school mates were retro-lovers. I'm talking 50-60's here, folks. All nice and fine except that when we went out into the big wide world to make our fortunes we found that the rest of the world was not the least bit interested in us or what we had to say. Thus many of my generation simply stuck with the retro-cultural idealogy they'd adopted as kids (when I say "kid" i usually mean anyone under 25)That worked out well for them since the next generation was fascinated by 60-70's culture as well and the most important idealogy was one of work-ethic.
Then there were those of us who "went punk". I'm not talking about any kind of fashion statement (although that was common enough too) I'm talking about attitude. The idea was "the world doesn't give a shit about you because you are not falling in line like a good cookie-cutter fool"
We adopted the idea of alienation (typical adolescent phase) and stretched it into savoir-faire. We cultivated our despair, we honed our sneers, we flaunted our joylessness and really got down and dirty with our feeling of rejection. No wonder we called it "Death-Rock".
Still with me? Thanks.
So, here I am today, a grown woman, hanging around a bunch of "kids" and still trying to get my life "together". For all intents and purposes, this brands me a consummate LOSER.
On the other hand, I have children, a purpose, music and friends that really mean something to me AND I still have a culturally open mind.
By the standards of "punk", this brands me a complete success.
But I don't wanna be a punk success anymore than I want to be an American failure.
So I'm still struggling to maintain the balance I've always wanted. Always wrestling with adolescent quandaries like "principles versus survival". It's called "living in-between"
Struggling and balancing put me right in with younger people. I am young by default - as it were. Whether I like it or not, my life has been fashioned by my own attitudes and decisions to remain this way.
Not because it keeps me young.
Not because I can't grow up.
Not because I'm irresponsible.
Because I like change, and I don't like fear.
To keep up with change without fear is a difficult thing to do. This I hope I pass on to the younger folks who are still interested enough to hang out with me.
God knows I could never impart that to anyone living successfully from MY generation.
Mostly, I just like what I like and don't have problems with being flexible. What I enjoy and indulge in changes quite frequently so far as specifics but stays the same so far as generalities go. i.e. I will always like music, but I move with the times because creativity demands evolution. I will always like things that are on the "cutting edge" because that's where progress usually stems from. I like guessing what will happen, where things will go and what will grow into something else. Its part of my inheirant love of cycles I guess.
I suppose some of my "attachment" to younger people is because I'm very passionate. Youth tend to be more passionate than oldsters because as you age you generally see more of the greater picture and can take odder things into account. Younger people (having not been around as long) often follow what they think is "right" or "logical" or sometimes "fair" because they assume the world is as simple and black and white as they have experienced it to be so far.
With me still?
Then there is the fact that I've always been an oddball, born into the smallest known generation in centuries. My peers are just too few in number for us to have created anything like our own culture. So we all latched onto other cultures that were spawned before us or after us. Most of my school mates were retro-lovers. I'm talking 50-60's here, folks. All nice and fine except that when we went out into the big wide world to make our fortunes we found that the rest of the world was not the least bit interested in us or what we had to say. Thus many of my generation simply stuck with the retro-cultural idealogy they'd adopted as kids (when I say "kid" i usually mean anyone under 25)That worked out well for them since the next generation was fascinated by 60-70's culture as well and the most important idealogy was one of work-ethic.
Then there were those of us who "went punk". I'm not talking about any kind of fashion statement (although that was common enough too) I'm talking about attitude. The idea was "the world doesn't give a shit about you because you are not falling in line like a good cookie-cutter fool"
We adopted the idea of alienation (typical adolescent phase) and stretched it into savoir-faire. We cultivated our despair, we honed our sneers, we flaunted our joylessness and really got down and dirty with our feeling of rejection. No wonder we called it "Death-Rock".
Still with me? Thanks.
So, here I am today, a grown woman, hanging around a bunch of "kids" and still trying to get my life "together". For all intents and purposes, this brands me a consummate LOSER.
On the other hand, I have children, a purpose, music and friends that really mean something to me AND I still have a culturally open mind.
By the standards of "punk", this brands me a complete success.
But I don't wanna be a punk success anymore than I want to be an American failure.
So I'm still struggling to maintain the balance I've always wanted. Always wrestling with adolescent quandaries like "principles versus survival". It's called "living in-between"
Struggling and balancing put me right in with younger people. I am young by default - as it were. Whether I like it or not, my life has been fashioned by my own attitudes and decisions to remain this way.
Not because it keeps me young.
Not because I can't grow up.
Not because I'm irresponsible.
Because I like change, and I don't like fear.
To keep up with change without fear is a difficult thing to do. This I hope I pass on to the younger folks who are still interested enough to hang out with me.
God knows I could never impart that to anyone living successfully from MY generation.