Okay, this is just not fair....
Mar. 3rd, 2003 04:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smibboa recent post by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
spoonfeeding got me thinking about le odeur de buttcrack.
I am not neurotic (well okay maybe just a little) but I do like to smell nice. Smelling good and having soft, lotiony skin are two of my self-pleasures. I do not go gonzo on the perfume or oil, but I do like a touch of interesting smells on me occasionally. That's why I buy essential oils and mix my own.
I never worried too much about my body odors that come from specific places; I don't sweat much and when I do it doesn't really smell too noticeably. I guess I was blessed that way.
Now, apart from the occasional infection (oh don't screw up your nose at me; men get em, women get em.... it's called REALITY, deal with it) I have never had much concern over my personal areas. Specifically, my beloved parts have always gotten rave reviews in terms of close, intimate contact. Really. It used to kind of amuse me, but eventually I got used to actually hearing compliments (unprompted) about the piquancy and delectibleness of my beloved parts.
I did start shaving on a semi-regular basis once I discovered the receptive joy that it can bring. I also noticed that shaving made odor and mess a lot easier to deal with.
Still, I recall a particular roommate I had. He was a really nice guy. He was from the Ukraine and I really need to write out the story of how we met sometime, but anyway... I started noticing soon after he moved in, that he wasn't the cleanest guy around. Okay, lots of single guys aren't so tidy. I had to ask him repeatedly to pick up his dirty clothes from the bathroom after a shower. At some point, I stopped asking and just started picking them up myself and toting them downstairs for him.
Until I saw the "skidmarks"
oh....my...gahd.
My (ex) husband was actually more disgusted than I was. He raved a bit about how easy it was to wipe one's ass properly when one is still on the toilet. I was a bit aghast, but not terribly surprised. The upshot though, was that I became a bit paranoid about the wiping of my own bum.
I reasoned that if a man could wipe himself so ineptly and yet not notice at all, how do I know that I am wiping completely and cleanly?
I don't. I don't have a mirror that I can prop up after each sitting session on the throne. I always assumed that if one failed to clean thoroughly afterwards, one would be rewarded with mondo itching and irritation. I began washing my backside after every visit in which it was a participant. I did not just wipe with tissue, I did not use baby wipes, I actually used a cloth and washed with soap and water, being careful to rinse enough in the end. I was determined that no one would ever complain about my posterior essence seeping out of my clothes. I wanted to make sure that even my (ex) husband would have no cause for complaint. Granted, I laundered a lot of washclothes, but the point was that my ass was clean.
This is where the joy of ass-shaving comes in.
Aside from the possibility of accidental cuts and razor burn, I think shaving the butt is one of the greatest ideas ever to improve the human body. I wish more men would engage in the practice. Manys the time I was down south, raring to go, only to be assaulted by the unique prime odor of "essence of male refuse"(girls, you KNOW what I'm talking about)- kills the mood, you know?
But see, the whole beauty of it is this: it prevents hair fungus. My (ex) husband once discovered that he had a weird infection that really made a stink down in his beloved parts. Upon my careful inspection, I realized he had a particular type of fungus growing that eats *yes, EATS* hair, leaving an odorous substance behind similar to the hair it had eaten. The results are subtle but can be seen by the naked eye. The "hair" looks transparent, scaly and crusty. He was quite dismayed as he took inordinate pride in his hygeine and presentability (I know, hard to believe now isn't it?). I told him, in my experience (I went to beauty school, okay? we actually learned some medical facts in addition to how to shampoo someone without getting water down their back) it was impossible to rid oneself of the offensice organic material without perscription medications which might be somewhat caustic to the delicate area in question. THe only other option was to shave it all off and starve the fungus away.
Shave we did. Just to be safe, we shaved the whole of his groin, front and back. SO that he wouldn't feel so bad, I let him shave me too (Hey I didn't know if the stuff was contageous or not but I didn't want to find out the hard way) front and back. It was my first time shaving my beloved parts since I had tried it out of curiosity when I was 17.
The fungus died in less than a week, never to return while we were married.
I discovered the joy of intimate shaving.
spoonfeeding got me thinking about le odeur de buttcrack.I am not neurotic (well okay maybe just a little) but I do like to smell nice. Smelling good and having soft, lotiony skin are two of my self-pleasures. I do not go gonzo on the perfume or oil, but I do like a touch of interesting smells on me occasionally. That's why I buy essential oils and mix my own.
I never worried too much about my body odors that come from specific places; I don't sweat much and when I do it doesn't really smell too noticeably. I guess I was blessed that way.
Now, apart from the occasional infection (oh don't screw up your nose at me; men get em, women get em.... it's called REALITY, deal with it) I have never had much concern over my personal areas. Specifically, my beloved parts have always gotten rave reviews in terms of close, intimate contact. Really. It used to kind of amuse me, but eventually I got used to actually hearing compliments (unprompted) about the piquancy and delectibleness of my beloved parts.
I did start shaving on a semi-regular basis once I discovered the receptive joy that it can bring. I also noticed that shaving made odor and mess a lot easier to deal with.
Still, I recall a particular roommate I had. He was a really nice guy. He was from the Ukraine and I really need to write out the story of how we met sometime, but anyway... I started noticing soon after he moved in, that he wasn't the cleanest guy around. Okay, lots of single guys aren't so tidy. I had to ask him repeatedly to pick up his dirty clothes from the bathroom after a shower. At some point, I stopped asking and just started picking them up myself and toting them downstairs for him.
Until I saw the "skidmarks"
oh....my...gahd.
My (ex) husband was actually more disgusted than I was. He raved a bit about how easy it was to wipe one's ass properly when one is still on the toilet. I was a bit aghast, but not terribly surprised. The upshot though, was that I became a bit paranoid about the wiping of my own bum.
I reasoned that if a man could wipe himself so ineptly and yet not notice at all, how do I know that I am wiping completely and cleanly?
I don't. I don't have a mirror that I can prop up after each sitting session on the throne. I always assumed that if one failed to clean thoroughly afterwards, one would be rewarded with mondo itching and irritation. I began washing my backside after every visit in which it was a participant. I did not just wipe with tissue, I did not use baby wipes, I actually used a cloth and washed with soap and water, being careful to rinse enough in the end. I was determined that no one would ever complain about my posterior essence seeping out of my clothes. I wanted to make sure that even my (ex) husband would have no cause for complaint. Granted, I laundered a lot of washclothes, but the point was that my ass was clean.
This is where the joy of ass-shaving comes in.
Aside from the possibility of accidental cuts and razor burn, I think shaving the butt is one of the greatest ideas ever to improve the human body. I wish more men would engage in the practice. Manys the time I was down south, raring to go, only to be assaulted by the unique prime odor of "essence of male refuse"(girls, you KNOW what I'm talking about)- kills the mood, you know?
But see, the whole beauty of it is this: it prevents hair fungus. My (ex) husband once discovered that he had a weird infection that really made a stink down in his beloved parts. Upon my careful inspection, I realized he had a particular type of fungus growing that eats *yes, EATS* hair, leaving an odorous substance behind similar to the hair it had eaten. The results are subtle but can be seen by the naked eye. The "hair" looks transparent, scaly and crusty. He was quite dismayed as he took inordinate pride in his hygeine and presentability (I know, hard to believe now isn't it?). I told him, in my experience (I went to beauty school, okay? we actually learned some medical facts in addition to how to shampoo someone without getting water down their back) it was impossible to rid oneself of the offensice organic material without perscription medications which might be somewhat caustic to the delicate area in question. THe only other option was to shave it all off and starve the fungus away.
Shave we did. Just to be safe, we shaved the whole of his groin, front and back. SO that he wouldn't feel so bad, I let him shave me too (Hey I didn't know if the stuff was contageous or not but I didn't want to find out the hard way) front and back. It was my first time shaving my beloved parts since I had tried it out of curiosity when I was 17.
The fungus died in less than a week, never to return while we were married.
I discovered the joy of intimate shaving.
