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The Passion of Cass
this post is going to ramble... A LOT
First off, let me get this one simple opinion off my chest: I think Nick Zedd is a embittered juvenille pseudo-intellectual who can't make a film worth a shit. Frankly, I'd forgotten all about him up until a week ago. I saw his films 20 years ago and now it doesn't look like he's changed a damned thing. What he talks about, me and my friends were rapping thoroughly 20 years ago. Lydia Lunch? I bought "Suicide Ocean" - yep you got it 20 years ago and I thought it was brilliant. Now? I'm sure she's got some great spoken word going on but guess what folks? Goth is for teenagers
Yes, that is my unvarnished opinion on the state of "deathrock" today. I'm thrilled that kids today are keeping the torch burning. Truly it's nice to know that depression, angst and general moping around believing "no one understands the depths of my despair" is still an avenue for weird kids who can't get into the superficial world of the average adolescent.
BUT COME ON PEOPLE! Grow up already!
If you're over 25 and still moping around, unable to get a job because you won't cover your tattoos and you only date people you meet on www.deadjournal.com then I suggest you go to a psychiatrist and get on medication because the stark reality is that everyone else grew and evolved and realized a lot of truths that you refuse to "compromise" on. Here's a few for your edification:
1) just because something is not "shocking" does not make it mainstream. There is a thing called subtlty - look it up and learn the wonders thereof
2) positive emotion is what everyone strives for because it helps us all move along as a people. Moping around is a pain for everyone subjected to your mood and not because they "don't understand" but because they've really got other, better things to get around to than listening to you whine some more about how the world just doesn't accept you. Social interaction is what keeps people from killing each other over the last loaf of bread. If you wanna be all philosophical about how we're all just evil animals underneath the facade of social niceties then why not do us all a favor and read up on history (especially of the middle ages) and realize how bad it REALLY was back then?
3) deciding to get married, have babies, get a career, finish a degree, move somewhere less populated, stop staying up all night etc is not necessarily an indicator of someone who wants to "compromise" their principles. Did you ever stop to think that perhaps they learned how to do the above (and more) WITHOUT compromising their principles? Radical notion, I know. JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE MADE TO LOOK LIKE A POSER.
Y'know, looking at Nick Zedd's website brought back a lot of painful memories. I was 17 years old and had just begun learning about the world of Industrial music, subversive cinema, dadaism, performance art and all things "underground". It was a new and fascinating world. It was also cold, cruel and meanspirited. Everyone (with a few notable exceptions) was snobby as hell. Since I was only 17 I was marked as "poseur" from the moment I first walked in the door.
I interviewed bands, mixed digital demos, had two bands, hosted two radio shows (on the non-commercial end of the dial) DJed at the only club that would house this kind of music and attended (as well as helped organize) countless gallery shows. Some of the most subversive stuff was going on all around me and I was excited to be a part of it all. None of it mattered though, to the people involved: I was given the cold shoulder, snubbed and sneered at every time I turned around. No matter how involved I was, all I ever got was the dregs of politeness. Eventually, I moved on. Because I was always about growing and learning. I kept up with that particular niche of culture because I always loved it - not the people.
When I first saw Nick Zedd's work, like I said at age 17, I was somewhat impressed. It seemed edgey and profound. Now I look at his words on the website and I think "wow, those people are still cold-hearted snots. how depressing"
THe local "alternative" newspaper here ran a front-page story on a local scenester who was a junkie. He had ties to the underground culture from way back when but reading it, you could see that he had already entered the realm of "Has-been". He was still snotty, still full of juvenille posturing parading as profound thought, still "subversive" and still full of himself too. Nowhere in the article was mentioned some of the most important people who had helped him in his hey-day. Nowhere was mentioned anyone except his ex-girlfriend and one possible near-famous person he had ties to. It was depressing and insulting to read about this snob who now works in a bookstore and still lives for his next fix.
THe best reason I ever had for anything I ever did before I had kids was when I first seperated from my husband. I went out dancing at the Vault - former Goth-ish club. It was a nostalgic thing for me really but the first night I walked in, a young man came up to me and began making a HUGE racket. He was covered in piercings and tattoos and had some really impressive vinyl gear on.
"Oh my god! I can't believe it's you!" he screamed. Having never in my life been famous I was unsure he knew who I was at all.
Boy did he ever. He used to listen to my radio show when he was 12 years old. He began grabbing various people in the club and telling them about my radio show and how it influenced him. I was amazed. I did the show as a labor of love and over three years maybe had three callers ever. He was one of those callers. Wow. It was like maybe all that shitty treatment I received from all the "alternative" artists was finally made okay again because one kid actually remembered me.
I read Nick Zedd's website and I think, "geeziz, they're still out there... those shitty snotty people who have nothing better to do than act superior with their paltry, petty pseudo-intellectual bullshit"
I think about how I could have died for real, a second time, two weeks ago. I think about how hard life has been treating me lately; how immensely hard it has been keep myself from going absolutely bugfuck and ruining everything I ever worked for. I think about how often I've wanted to just leave it all - either physically or mentally and how easy it looked. I think about how much I want to just start enjoying my life again, like I used to do... now that I don't have to put up with snobby shitheads and denigrating power-mongers. I think about how much I've learned and how different I am now. I think I want to see a psychiatrist because I don't want to be bitter and on guard forever. I think I want to pick up my creations again because I don't want to be pining for my outlets anymore. I think about how I want to give my kids that sense of activism that I grew up with. Can you understand how different that makes you? When you grow believing "if you feel strongly about anything - good or bad - you get off your ass and get involved is what you do" can you imagine how that affects you? I didn't join industrial culture because I wanted to be "cool" (trust me, there was nothing "cool" about it 20 years ago) I got involved because that's what you do when you feel strongly about something.
I feel strongly about moving along, changing my world, evolving and learning. I intend to keep on doing those things no matter what kind of assholes try to shoot me down. ANyone who's still standing in the same place after a decade or so, don't be surprised when I sneer at YOU not because I'm doing something better - because I'm doing something DIFFERENT.
Start something new... tolerance of those who are new... recognize the love and strength of feeling it takes for someone to venture on to new ground. Keep moving though. Never stop moving.
First off, let me get this one simple opinion off my chest: I think Nick Zedd is a embittered juvenille pseudo-intellectual who can't make a film worth a shit. Frankly, I'd forgotten all about him up until a week ago. I saw his films 20 years ago and now it doesn't look like he's changed a damned thing. What he talks about, me and my friends were rapping thoroughly 20 years ago. Lydia Lunch? I bought "Suicide Ocean" - yep you got it 20 years ago and I thought it was brilliant. Now? I'm sure she's got some great spoken word going on but guess what folks? Goth is for teenagers
Yes, that is my unvarnished opinion on the state of "deathrock" today. I'm thrilled that kids today are keeping the torch burning. Truly it's nice to know that depression, angst and general moping around believing "no one understands the depths of my despair" is still an avenue for weird kids who can't get into the superficial world of the average adolescent.
BUT COME ON PEOPLE! Grow up already!
If you're over 25 and still moping around, unable to get a job because you won't cover your tattoos and you only date people you meet on www.deadjournal.com then I suggest you go to a psychiatrist and get on medication because the stark reality is that everyone else grew and evolved and realized a lot of truths that you refuse to "compromise" on. Here's a few for your edification:
1) just because something is not "shocking" does not make it mainstream. There is a thing called subtlty - look it up and learn the wonders thereof
2) positive emotion is what everyone strives for because it helps us all move along as a people. Moping around is a pain for everyone subjected to your mood and not because they "don't understand" but because they've really got other, better things to get around to than listening to you whine some more about how the world just doesn't accept you. Social interaction is what keeps people from killing each other over the last loaf of bread. If you wanna be all philosophical about how we're all just evil animals underneath the facade of social niceties then why not do us all a favor and read up on history (especially of the middle ages) and realize how bad it REALLY was back then?
3) deciding to get married, have babies, get a career, finish a degree, move somewhere less populated, stop staying up all night etc is not necessarily an indicator of someone who wants to "compromise" their principles. Did you ever stop to think that perhaps they learned how to do the above (and more) WITHOUT compromising their principles? Radical notion, I know. JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE MADE TO LOOK LIKE A POSER.
Y'know, looking at Nick Zedd's website brought back a lot of painful memories. I was 17 years old and had just begun learning about the world of Industrial music, subversive cinema, dadaism, performance art and all things "underground". It was a new and fascinating world. It was also cold, cruel and meanspirited. Everyone (with a few notable exceptions) was snobby as hell. Since I was only 17 I was marked as "poseur" from the moment I first walked in the door.
I interviewed bands, mixed digital demos, had two bands, hosted two radio shows (on the non-commercial end of the dial) DJed at the only club that would house this kind of music and attended (as well as helped organize) countless gallery shows. Some of the most subversive stuff was going on all around me and I was excited to be a part of it all. None of it mattered though, to the people involved: I was given the cold shoulder, snubbed and sneered at every time I turned around. No matter how involved I was, all I ever got was the dregs of politeness. Eventually, I moved on. Because I was always about growing and learning. I kept up with that particular niche of culture because I always loved it - not the people.
When I first saw Nick Zedd's work, like I said at age 17, I was somewhat impressed. It seemed edgey and profound. Now I look at his words on the website and I think "wow, those people are still cold-hearted snots. how depressing"
THe local "alternative" newspaper here ran a front-page story on a local scenester who was a junkie. He had ties to the underground culture from way back when but reading it, you could see that he had already entered the realm of "Has-been". He was still snotty, still full of juvenille posturing parading as profound thought, still "subversive" and still full of himself too. Nowhere in the article was mentioned some of the most important people who had helped him in his hey-day. Nowhere was mentioned anyone except his ex-girlfriend and one possible near-famous person he had ties to. It was depressing and insulting to read about this snob who now works in a bookstore and still lives for his next fix.
THe best reason I ever had for anything I ever did before I had kids was when I first seperated from my husband. I went out dancing at the Vault - former Goth-ish club. It was a nostalgic thing for me really but the first night I walked in, a young man came up to me and began making a HUGE racket. He was covered in piercings and tattoos and had some really impressive vinyl gear on.
"Oh my god! I can't believe it's you!" he screamed. Having never in my life been famous I was unsure he knew who I was at all.
Boy did he ever. He used to listen to my radio show when he was 12 years old. He began grabbing various people in the club and telling them about my radio show and how it influenced him. I was amazed. I did the show as a labor of love and over three years maybe had three callers ever. He was one of those callers. Wow. It was like maybe all that shitty treatment I received from all the "alternative" artists was finally made okay again because one kid actually remembered me.
I read Nick Zedd's website and I think, "geeziz, they're still out there... those shitty snotty people who have nothing better to do than act superior with their paltry, petty pseudo-intellectual bullshit"
I think about how I could have died for real, a second time, two weeks ago. I think about how hard life has been treating me lately; how immensely hard it has been keep myself from going absolutely bugfuck and ruining everything I ever worked for. I think about how often I've wanted to just leave it all - either physically or mentally and how easy it looked. I think about how much I want to just start enjoying my life again, like I used to do... now that I don't have to put up with snobby shitheads and denigrating power-mongers. I think about how much I've learned and how different I am now. I think I want to see a psychiatrist because I don't want to be bitter and on guard forever. I think I want to pick up my creations again because I don't want to be pining for my outlets anymore. I think about how I want to give my kids that sense of activism that I grew up with. Can you understand how different that makes you? When you grow believing "if you feel strongly about anything - good or bad - you get off your ass and get involved is what you do" can you imagine how that affects you? I didn't join industrial culture because I wanted to be "cool" (trust me, there was nothing "cool" about it 20 years ago) I got involved because that's what you do when you feel strongly about something.
I feel strongly about moving along, changing my world, evolving and learning. I intend to keep on doing those things no matter what kind of assholes try to shoot me down. ANyone who's still standing in the same place after a decade or so, don't be surprised when I sneer at YOU not because I'm doing something better - because I'm doing something DIFFERENT.
Start something new... tolerance of those who are new... recognize the love and strength of feeling it takes for someone to venture on to new ground. Keep moving though. Never stop moving.