smibbo: (xmas)
Me: okay Lil Miss good night, I love you...
Lil Miss: wait mom! I need hugs and kisses!
Me: of course
*hugs and kisses commence*
Me: Always. I am always ready for hugs and kisses
Lil Miss:[getting under the covers] yeah cuz everybody needs more hugs and kisses for me.

we sure do, baby, we sure do.
smibbo: (xmas)
So, a few days ago... [editor's note: check that becuase with our memory, it could have been a few years ago. just sayin, let's try to be a little accurate with our general time-frame references] I wrote an entry that was pretty epic in a personal, life-changing kind of way. I wrote about how I didn't find my goal in life, I actually realized what it was while I was workign towards it which to my mind is the best way to really KNOW what you found is really of the realses. For real, yo.
Anyway, so a large part of what I came to understand is my ah.. purpose.. in life is predicated upon what i am studying currently in school and how the studying of it and the actual course trajectory of it, fits into the larger framework of "MY LIFE'S WORK" (trumpet fanfare) and what I am currently studying in school, is ASL for interpreting. Let me fine-point this for you:

I am not actually wanting to be an interpreter, although that as a stop along the way would be fine and good way to have some decent free-lance to fall back on at any given time. What I am working towards is a grad degree in Special Education, more specifically administration of education. What's the connection between ASL and Special Ed? Well really there isn't any, its just that in order to get a grad degree, I need a bachelor's in something ANYTHING. I have enough credits to get an associate in just about any field as it is, but an associate is only a two-year degree. SO I have two years under my belt already, I only need two more. But going to community college is cheaper so I was looking to go there to get reoriented. They told me they had a interpreter's program that would give you a BACHELOR'S degree if you already had an associate or equivalent credits. Which I do. So I could go through the program, at community college, and in two years get a bachelor's degree in ASL. I would also be eligible to take the NIC and RID tests to be an interpreter. Which might help me pay for grad school. Grad school, for education, doesn't much care what your bachelor's is in, just that you have one. So I could go to community college, get my bachelor's in two years and have certification to do free-lance work. All in a subject I already love. Awesome deal no matter how you look at it.

Except the community college lost their bid to be allowed to award bachelor's degrees.

So... if I stay in the program, I go for two years to get a certificate that I finished their program for ASL interpreting. But that won't do any good becuase in order to be eligible to take the NIC and RID tests to BE an interpreter you have to have a bachelor's degree in something, anything. Which I wouldn't have.
SO I'd have to go to another college for another two years in order to get a bachelor's degree.

So that'd be four years in order to get the bachelor's and be ready to be certified in interpreting.

Uh, no. I'm done going to college forever with no point.

I love ASL but that wasn't why I was in the program. I was in the program because ASL was one of the two things Ga Perimeter SAID they were giving Bachelor's degrees in. But now they can't. Becuase the Southern Association of Colleges discovered they "mishandled" $25million. This is the third year in a row they have operated on a deficit and they can't exactly explained where the money went. Yeah. TWENTY-FIVE FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS.

And I can't get a bachelor's from them.


Yeah, I'm not going to continue the program. Even if I wanted to be an interpreter, I'd hve to go somewhere else to get the bachelor's degree to qualify to take the NIC/RID exams anyway. What a load of fucking bullshit.

Fuck GPC.

SO I re-submitted to Ga State.


The place that costs about three times what GPC cost. I wonder if that's because they don't LOSE THEIR FUCKING MONEY.

Oh and when did they elect to tell everyone this little change? Yeah about a week before winter break. Too late for me to get into GA State next semester. So I swapped out all my program classes for education classes but since I'm not formally in the education major, the financial aid office decided I am not taking enough credit hours in my major to qualify for the pell grant. But its too late for me to get advisement to change my major before the next semester starts. See if they'd told us this two months ago, I could have handled it all just fine. But no, they waited until the last possible second. and you know what really fries me? They even admitted that they had been warned by the SACs that their accreditation was in trouble. They KNEW they weren't going to be approved for bachelor's programs but they told prospective students they were going to "iron out the details" anyway. And SACs even said in their released statement that GPC KNEW what was coming. and SACs were surprised that GPC was even TRYING to be allowed to "level up" to awarding bachelor's degrees becuase they hadn't fixed their financial problems at all. But they still fucking did it. They took our money and told us we'd get degrees. I assume the only reason they told us the truth when they did was because part of SACs review mandated they inform us.

Thanks GPC. I fucking hate you.
smibbo: (thumbelina)
The promised entry

Please read it. I know its long but it doesn't ramble like you think it does... just read it.


Oct. 10th, 2012 12:20 am
smibbo: (Default)
I'm SORT of a nerd: math physics computer programming

But not enough that I really stuck with any of that (except I still love reading about math)

I am really a liberal arts kinda wonk. Sociology, child development, evolutionary psychology.

That is why I wanted to go into economics.

I'm a dilettante. There's very few subjects I didn't go wonky over for at least a year and study like a nut on my own time. Except the sciences: I went crazy over cosmology an physics but never cottoned onto the other sciences so much (although virology is kind of interesting) so I can't even claim science as my nerdom.

I even studied in beauty school for two years and worked in a salon. I majored in film and photography originally and made some films. I wrote an 80page play which won second place. I've directed plays and films. I've played in two bands. DJed for radio and parties. Tutored algebra and pre-calc.

So you tell me... what 'speaks" to me?

I tell you what: the universe and everyone in it.
smibbo: (Default)
DragonCon was fantastic. I got tipsy a couple of times (but not DRUNK), went to a couple of panels (one by happy accident) had two AMAZING performances with ARTC, played many hours of "Are You a Werewolf?" and then Sunday night discovered I had done something terrible to my back/shoulder. J suggests it happened when we were lugging the equipment back from the show and he's most likely right. I've been downing the codeine every 4-6hrs (depending on if I'm sleeping or not) and I can tell when it wears off. WOW THIS HURTS. It hurts in an entirely different way than when the herpes is flaring up, too. Although the intensity is the same, because it's a New and Improved location for pain I'm astounded with how much it hurts. I mean WOW.

Other than that? great time.


Aug. 2nd, 2012 10:50 pm
smibbo: (Default)
I got the disability. A year of retroactive too.

I'm so blown away I just keep saying "wow" and grinning and laughing and crying.

A large part of that is just relief, I'm glad its over, but DAMN does it feel good to know there's now a "safety net" behind us at all times. We can take me off the private health insurance too because medicare is part of it. I don't have to clean houses anymore!
(I will still keep my current regulars as they're all sporadic clients and I like them. The point is that I don't HAVE to clean houses then see all the money I sweated and hurt myself to earn go to the grocery store and STILL not have enough for next week. OMFG I cannot tell you how relieving this is. Truly. Things are really truly going to be better.

I feel like my entire life of busting my ass, scrounging and going without and sacrificing and giving myself migraines and bruises on a regular basis, it FINALLY comes back and I can...


For the first time ever I feel like I have permission to truly relax about life. Just a little bit. Stop being scared. Just stop worrying. A little bit.

Wow. Just wow.
smibbo: (Default)
I made this for tilapia tonight.

two handfuls of baby spinach or coarsely chopped stemmed spinach
1T butter
6-10 baby portabello slices
1/2c-1c half-and-half or cream

onion powder
black pepper
1clove garlic
olive oil
lemon juice

butter in a pan over medium-high heat
douse the mushroom slices in lemon juice - be sure they're saturated on both sides
throw mushrooms in pan
while that is heating up, chop garlic in olive oil
toss spinach on top of mushrooms then everything else once mushrooms start to soften
do not stir for one minute or so to let spinach soften up
stir until spinach is nearly done
add 1/2 cup half-and-half (or cream) let it cook down
add 1/2 cup more half-and-half, let it cook til nearly congealed
add enough more half-and-half that there is liquid moving freely in pan

take off heat

serve on or with main protein. I like it on top of fish

take off heat
smibbo: (Default)
I attend Georgia Perimeter College with financial aid. I accept that I must wait until after classes begin before I receive my aid monies - I have to borrow privately in order to pay for the classes then Financial aid will allow me to repay the private loans.
What I do NOT accept is my specific college forces all students to receive their aid through a for-profit financial institute (Higher One) regardless of whether they want an account with that institute or not. I do not want to wait an extra week to receive my monies. I should not have to but if I submit forms for direct deposit into my existing bank account (not Higher One) then I must wait for the college to release the funds to HO, then HO releases the funds to the Federal Bank who then wires the funds to MY bank. This on top of the fact that Ga Perimeter College disburses my semester monies in two payments over the course of two weeks - which turns into four weeks from the time the funds are released to the college. I understand everyone wants to hold onto the money for a while in order to get interest on it all but this is MY money and *I* am the one who is responsible for repaying it. I should be able to direct how that money comes to me and where it goes. I should not be forced to open an account with a financial institute not of my choosing. Especially considering Higher One has nothing but complaints for their fees and lack of customer service. This is abominable.
smibbo: (Default)
Lil Miss: Mommy, I screaming!
Me: yeah I heard. Do you want a scone? Blueberry scone?
Lil Miss: no. I gotta be a kangaroo.
Me: ...okaaay
smibbo: (Default)
I rooted and planted three (organic) garlic and they're doing so well I decided to root three more. I've also got a sweet potato slip going. Once it has leaves I'll be planting that as well. Its pretty nifty to see stuff growing and all I'm doing is giving water and watching it happen.
smibbo: (Default)
all the people castigating me on Post Secret Sundays comm

-actually, I redact this entry. It just isn't that important to me...
smibbo: (Default)
The reason I am no longer friends with quite a few people is very simple:

They offended me more than once.
I let them know they offended me in as neutral a way as possible.
They got pissed at ME for being offended and proceeded to berate me for being offended.
They then further maligned me when I refused to engage any more.

Here's a hint:if you have upset someone you care about, I should think you would WANT to at least TRY to make rights. By deciding to attack me because I was offended, you pretty much scream that you don't care about me at all. Which makes me question the whole of our previous friendship.

I'm not saying you have to agree with me or beat your breast, or declare yourself an asshole. Just allow that if I am offended, I have a RIGHT to be offended and since you CARE about me then you want to make things right. You may end up feeling like *I* am the asshole. That's fine. Maybe I am. But I guaran-damned-tee you won't get me to apologize to YOU if you don't have the wherewithal to approach the situation in a decent respectful manner.

Have I made it clear? There are three people in particular I am thinking about here. Very specific situations. They all did something that gravely upset me - and not for the first time either - but when I expressed my chagrin, i was basically treated WORSE. So I realized we must not really be friends. Because that's not how you treat your friends.

Trust me, if in the course of our interaction, you tell me I have upset you, even if I am pissed at you, I will approach the situation with something of an olive branch if not an outright immediate apology. Because no matter how irascible I can get? I am not actually looking to piss off my friends. And I am not just flapping my gums here; I have on MANY occasions humbled myself and apologized to a friend for upsetting them. Sometimes I had no idea I was doing it and sometimes I had gone overboard. And a couple of times I was just feeling shitty and took it out on the first person to make a minuscule mistake in my presence.

And yes, as soon as they told me they were offended, I apologized. Regardless of my feelings on the subject at hand. Because my friends mean more to me than "being right". Even if I was still upset or thinking they were "wrong". Someone being wrong it not license to make them feel shitty.

Always, afterwards we have been able to work out some shit, if it was needed.

but I don't work anything out with people who dismiss my feelings outright. Fuck that. once you make it clear you have no intention of examining your behavior, we're done. DONE.

And a couple of those people? I kind of miss the friendship I thought I had with them. But I don't want them back. Because that friendship was just what I THOUGHT was there. Obviously, I was mistaken. Because friendship is not predicated upon ME putting up with abuse from someone silently. Oh hell no.
smibbo: (Default)
Lil Miss: This is MY trophy!
Me: What's it for?
Lil Miss: it's for ME!
smibbo: (Default)
J: Hey Shadow, wassup?
(cat walks by)
Lil Miss: DADDY!
J: what?
Lil Miss: Cats DON'T LIKE TO TALK!
smibbo: (Default)
I'm distancing myself from people who have disappointed me in their ethics, morals and values.

We don't have to be the same in any of the three but you do have to be honest about yours and consistant. When you rant and rail against someone else breaking "your morals" then turn around do the same damned thing - "oh but this is DIFFERENT"

Then I do not want to be close to you. Because I have no idea if I'm going to be the next target of your "flexible" standards. Or someone I care about.

And all this time I've no idea if you have been judging ME for our differences.

Yes, I am not pleased if certain specific standards of ours are different and there's some non-negotiables but really its a matter of honesty.

Standards are what we hold even when its difficult.

Lastly, if you care about someone AT ALL, then you would check yourself whenever you might be doing something that would cause strife in their life. Even if it brings temporary pleasure, that's not an excuse to create problems for someone else. Even if it means denying yourself something nice, that's not an excuse to make someone elses life difficult.

“If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.”
― Jon Stewart
smibbo: (Default)
I actually like facebook - its simple and easy to share websites, articles and news with friends. not to mention George Takei's picture memes.
But OMG every day it gets more and more soapboxy. I'm really getting fed up with it.

Yes, yes, I know, everyone's allowed to post whatever the hell they want on FB. But I'm sick of being bombarded with people's political, religious, parenting, and conspiracy views ALL THE DAMNED TIME.

I swear when I first got on there it was mostly people sharing web related stuff and posting pics of their kids. Telling funny short stories and relating basic ideas of what they are doing in their lives. Now apparently no one just LIVES any more they march around with signs screaming about pet issues.

Don't get me wrong, i've used it for pet issues occasionally too. BUT I swear to god some people spend precious hours of their life LOOKING for more shit to post about their pet issues. Now I expect that from the couple of anarcho-paranoid friends I have. Sure, they think the whole world is out to get them and enslave them or whatever so they go looking for more evidence of that. But in the last six months I've also had to "hide" the posts of people who
  • post incessantly about their DOG (including videos of his "first real bark!!")
  • brag about how nasty they treated someone based on their looks (they did this CONSTANTLY)
  • talk about being violent against political opponents
  • post nothing but zen-ish "serenity" crap and then get offended if I point out that its unrealistic advice
  • find news articles about racism no matter how unsubtantiated, dated or otherwise suspect (not to mention trivial. and yes, posting about some lone 80yr old racist man who sneered at someone in church even though the rest of the WHOLE TOWN repudiates that one man is IMHO trivial. Yes, racism exists. I know there are still racist people around, especially in deep south. No shit sherlock)
  • post about the ONE TRUE PARENTING (that includes the ONE TRUE PREGNANCY and the ONE TRUE CHILDBIRTH)
  • post about the ONE TRUE DIET
  • post about how "evil" some methodology or philosophy is when they obviously don't know ANYTHING about said
  • post about the ONE TRUE VIEWPOINT on the disabled
and the worst offense of all? People who post articles/essays without actually taking a minute or two to cogitate what said piece is ABOUT. I gave up expecting anyone to cross-check the veracity of anything anymore. I appear to be one of the FEW people who do that. and even I've been fooled before and had to delete stuff. That's why I'm extra careful about posting incendiary stuff. I've gotten into more arguments with "friends" about stuff that was posted before they bothered to actually look up that shit. It's gotten OLD.

yes, I'm done with all that.

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